Friday, June 22, 2007

Holiday... Goin out of town...

"Put the pedal down.. headin out of town, gotta make a getaway...."

Hilary Duff - The Getaway



Yeah operfect line of lyrics that describes the best where I am now, I need a holiday I've been wanting for, and Now i will have it, for real. Yay! Adfter 2 years in a row, not having any kind of holiday, this year I'll go for it. Last holiday I got was back then in 2005, it was with my older sist went to Jakarta too. hen the last plane I took was back then in 2005, went to malaysia to see family's wedding, with Mom, back then in November 2005. Wow, now its already 2007. Its really unbelieveable how time flies so quickly, until I dont realize what i've been passing through. Well, gotta miss my old days a lot. Well, these past days I went to school to play play with my friends, as some got retest of their exam, luckily I didnt get any. Thanks GOD! Well, wht I'm afraid of right now is all bout report card! Damn it! I'm gonna get it next SaturdaY fater I get back from jakarta. Geez. What a nightmare, I know my scores are a bit down, andf my affective score of Chemistry will be a D. OMG. D for Damn! Lol. Well, I think I did nothing wrong in Chemsitry, but why?! Is it a lil bit unfair? Well, kind of, until I know whats behind the teacher made it as a D for me? Well, today I am busy preparing aorganizating my photo class, well, so tired and sleepy now. Well, just now I prepared my clothes and stuffs with Mom aND WATCHED Tv then we're done at 2 AM, then now its almost 3 AM, havent slept yet, but already got flu and dizzy. Haiz. Hope I'll be OK later. Well, I will go to Jakarta today at 11 AM with Mom, gotta attend my family's wedding then also I will shop, well, hope this holiday will be a ll great and turn just fine, GB Me and U! :)



Then, I already sleepy now, gotta take a rest but I need to telll that I still have some prob actually with my friends, still same old ones. But I just cant let it go. Or it wont let go from me?! Maybe both. Well, you know, I'm still just tryin to be fit into the others, especially the boys, but I can never really get into em, yeha you know, I'm sooo different, I'm maybe un-normal, I cant do what they can do, like sports and stuffs, well, is it just somebody will accept me for what I am, well, I can accept everyone, because this case I've been through a lot, while maybe the others wont accept me easily, because they never been through this kind of feeling of like, being rejected. Well, I do understand them actually if they cant accept me that easily. But, this is just getting worse and worse, as I think more further that usually they wont invite me to their own activities, becuase I'm unimportant to em, yeah I cant do anything, but the boys never really invite me and think that I have improtant role to em. They will invite others who are really got commonity with em, like can play games, do sports and stuffs, while I dont. I just cant. Sigh. This kind of feeling I've been through, I dont wanna be labeled as girly and stuff, but the situation will take me to it. I think because of that, I do really need trust and attention from the others, especially boys. Because yeah you know why. Thats why sometimes I'm naive and fake and pretending that I dont care of some things, but actually I really do. I know I'm fake, but sometimes I just need some attention, like I never got before from em, while others give em soooo much attention. Not to mention I'm jealous. Sometimes, to be honest, yeah, I am jealous of em. But when I think further, its not about the jealousy, its all bout myself and the acceptance of myself and the situation I've been through that made me what I am today. Its like the progress I've been through has been hard to walk on by... Well, I know, others are also doin and getting their own things and probs, but sometimes this is just like too much for me, I dont know if Im gonna be survive in this life later, well, sometimes I think I really need to do ALLL THINGS perfectly so they will "accept" me, but thats kinda fake, well, after I think, Im a bit perfectionist in some ways, because the situation of not getting much attention too. Its a lil bit desperate, but I can call it, I do it sometimes.



Geez. I really need like a new life to through! I hate this feeling of old , same old pain from same old prob that never goes away... It really hurts that really is killing me. :( Well, I just wanna thx god and everyone that help me until today and what made me today... Life teahces me a lot, but sometimes it just wasnt right. :(

Well, but I just gotta get move on with my life, theres no need to feel guilty of the past time, just let go like its the old days of mine, no need to bring em back, I wont, but sometimes maybe I'll miss it and find myself wating it all over again, but life is not just about what has passed, its all bout the future and our destination. :)



Well, gotta go, already sleepy. C ya! I'm goin holiday tomorrow, take care and hope everyone is having nice holiday too! GB US! C y'all! :)

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

My fav movies :

JU-ON ,freaky friday,A Cinderela Story,Crossroad,Confessions Of Teenage Drama Queen,Lizzie McGuire,The Ring,13 Going on 30,Slap her She's French,Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure,SOUND OF MUSIC, KingKong, Skeleton key, Herbie Full Loaded, Flightplan, Sisterhood of Travelling Pants, Bewitched, madagascar,War Of the World, Fantastic 4,Spiderman trilogy, Zathura,The Recruit, Narnia, Italian Job, Lilo Leroy Stich, HSM ,Hating Alison Ashley, Hide And Seek, Fly Me To Polaris, Titanic, Legally Blonde, Final Destination, Exorcism of Emily Rose, nanny McPhee,Poseidon, Da Vinci Code, Daredevil, Batman, She's The Man, What A Girl Wants, X Men, Get A Clue, Garfield, Millions, Fast n Furious,wat women want, R.V, Bring It On, Over The Hedge, eragon, night at museum, Silent Hill, Armageddon, Deep Impact, Just My Luck, Volcano, Twister, Butterfly Effect, my super ex-gf, monster house,step up, oceans trilogy, jurasic park, Ever After, Scary Movie, Urban legend, Devil Wears Prada, Raise your Voice, Agent Cody banks, Battle Royale, Death Note, Charlotte's Web, Bridge To Terabitha, Curse of Goldenflower, Pursuit of Happiness, Little Miss Sunshine, Honey, The Holiday, Election, Lantai 13, etc...
Hey yo back again. A lot to tell, but no time to explain it all, actually. Yeah, been busy these past weeks and dont have enough sleep. Sucks. Last week, I had semester exam. I did pretty well, I studied sooo hard like hell you know, till 3 AM or even 5 AM. Damn, but I think its worth it all in the end. Thanks GOD! I also cheated on some exams by cooperate with Frenkie, thanks god! :) Really stressfull during exam-week. Lucky, itsd over now! Holiday's on the run now!!! :)

First, last Sat, after last exam (Bio)'s over, we whole class went to Mall Ciputra and had photoshoot classmate, we all had fun!!! :) Really great time. Then got treat from some friendson Pizza Hut then watched Fantastic 4 with Frenkie, Rudy and Ryan. Its a good movie. I give it 10/10 for the action. The story is OK only. Then, we went o Hokki 88 to play pool and some games like Boom Boom Car, baskteball and "find-the-differences-of-pics". Lol. Then, we're all done at 17.30, we got back home. Then I prepared and went to church with my family. Sorry, but its actually what a boring church time. Dont know why, I didnt concentrate much, its just TOO LONG IMO. But its OK, then we went to buy some food then got home, got dinner then I slept very ealry like at 11.

Then, on Sunday, Whole classmate went to Mall SKA, we ate at Solaria, treated by Vincy and Siuly. We all had fun there, got pics, and jokes, and also had a terrific moment where the servent dropped plates and stuffs from her pan on the other table. she's eventually crying. IO feel bad for her, actually. :( I hope she's fine :)
then I got back home at 2 PM, did OL stuffs and helped my Dad to repair tank upstairs till 5 PM. Then went out with Vincy again to Mall SKA agaian, then we both met the others again, they havent got home actually. ^Tehn, we all got pics with Doraemon baloon. LOL!!! Its all about fun! :)
Then, all got home, I and Vincy went to C&F Perfumery and I ought Benneton perfume, the store is on sale. So I have interested to buy there. Lol. Then got home at almost 7 PM> Then, I washed dishes then watched TV, then took a abath and prepared and I and my parents went to death ceremony of my friend's (Ciau-ciau/irvina)'s grandpa. Well, a bit bored though, so I was only like, SMS with friends and CC during there, I had few chat with Irvina also. Then got back home at 10.30 PM then had dinner, did OL stuffs then slept at 00.00 AM.

Today, this morn, woke up @11, then did exercises/sports, which Ive been doin everyday to lost weight and got to shape my body up so I can be like, sexy. LOL. No, I just wanna be ideal. Then, I prepared and took a bath and went out with Vincy and Jennifer. I actually been wondering which Jennifer is it. I thought the other Jennifer actually. Lol. Then when I got into the char and met her, I was like shock, like who is it. LOL> I cant even remember she was one of my classmate back then on 4th grade of SD. Lol. Then we 3 went to eat at Rumput Laut, and Mie Jogja, went to UNRI< golf field, then we joked alot bout our teacers back then on SD, and also bout our friends. Lol.
Then she got back home at 4, while I and V wnert to Mall ciput and watched "Lantai 13". OMG!!! Its really scary!!! I hope I can sleep well tonight!!! :)
While watching it, we both hug-ed so much. Lol. Then we went to see CDs and then we got back home at 7 PM. I arrived home then took bath, got dinner then told twin sist bout the movie. Then, I got back into my room and did OL stuffs all nite till now. Its already 3.30 AM actually. Haiz. Still got some stuffs to do.

Tomorrow maybe I'll go to school to play play with friends, but how can I wake up while I'll go to bed so late today?! :( Hush, I hope I can wake up!! :)
Well, Dad's in Meda right now to have photo exhibition, he'll go back home on Wed then I and Mom will go to Jkt this Friday to attend family's wedding, after that, I'll be just at Jkt and will shop around with my sist. Im gonna shop alot, I need to buy those improtant things actually. Haahahaha,,,, Ill be back home maybe 3rd July. Yeah, im gonna be at jkt quite long, like 0 days. becuase my sister is goin to baxcck home also at 3rd july, so i just wiat her so we both can go back to PKU together. Hahaha, but isnt it too long to have 10 days there?! Im gonna miss home! Awwww.... LOL! :p

well,, oh yea, bout retestm, so far, i havent got any yet, hope there wont be for me... then, Vincy, Siuly and some friends are goin to msia soon (nwext week), theyre goin to have Foundation, not graduting the 3rd (last) year of SMU. Well, gonna miss em alot!!! Good luck guys!!! :)

Well OK then, I really have to do some stuffs, c ya!
Take care! Have a nice holiday y'all!!! :)

-toxnick.niko.nick.ww-

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Hey yo... back again...
hmm... pretty much busy,still because you know, exams are on the way, about a week left, still have no time doi other stuffs and playing... i keep "missing" the time, and i only can sleep after 2am in the morning since then... ugh!!! i really need time to sleep!!! :(
well, then, these past 2 weeks after my bday goin on well, first about my cellphone!!! gosh!!! my old phone se k750i was screwed up and now being on service, i lost all of my datas, phonebooks, contacts, sms-es, drafts, notes, etc... gosh!!! luckily, it can be repaied, during that, i bought a new phone one se k800i cybershot (spiderman 3 icon one), pretty cool. much better than what i thought at first... i bought it on thrusday night, with permission from my twin sist, yeah of course, because this phone will be theirs later. after my old phone repaied, i will sell it then change a new phone one again (maybe k880i walkman phone), then this k800i will go to my twin sist's... well, last friday was holiday of waisak then on sat, i came back to sch, and tried to hide my new phone to friends but then vincy shouted to whole class that i got new phone... lol, they were like, ohhh.... what it is? lol. but uggghhh!!! i just want it to be more surprise!~!! :( but thats ok... well, then, in these days, ive been trying get into sports stuffs by reading it on news paper and try to memroize it, pretty dumb but i just want to know how it feels to be like tghat... lol...


then, my scores are goin down recently, because i dont have much time to study, i always fall asleep during it... huh, why god? in exam goin on, i have to study harder and get my scores high so i wont go "let-down" that hard from last semester's scores. please help me GOD! Thanks! Then, Im certainly in love with "that F", seriously. I just want that to be close to me and stuffs. its mopre like desire i think, but in other way, i think im in love with the other, which is my best friend, i feel jealous everytime that other with another guy and stuffs... i feel so caught in between!!! help!!!! next week will the last week of school in class XI (11) ipa 3... well, yeah time flies so quickly... the most "togetherness" class ive ever had, then now it will be gone, yeah pretty much... i feel quite changing during this class, i feel more trying to be aggresive then getting more into sports, then trying to socialize with more friends, then getting more "open" and open-minded to people and styuffs, so far so good. although it brings more and more prob, yeah but thats life.
i feel a bit awkward sometimes in this classs, dunno why, then for the first time, i have a strong jealousy feeling and mind with peopl, even worse than ever. i dont know, seems like i never even try something new buit i keep on jealous-ing with people. well, i hope i ont be that way or even worse. :)

just like when my chairmate and my front-chair-mate keep on chalenging to get the same guy, i know it feels a bit wrong, but they cant just to be like that, sometimes i feel like "unimportant" when they both keep on tryiong to get attention from that guy, who accidentally, sits next to my front-chair-mate. well, all attention gets around him, yeah a bit jealous, but i dont have any feeling for my chairmate and my front one, so it doesnt matter, but just feel uncomfortable at once... :)

then, i have a "broken heart", not about love actually, bout the firendship itself... i havent found a real close friend yet, so i can talk anything, maybe im still too "closed", but a day after my 17 bday, they all spoilt me water at school after sch's over, that way accidentally also my friend's bday--> mike chan, i felt happy for him, but after they spoilt me on water a bit then having attention to mike, i just feel less popular, u know what i mean, kind of jealous, but actually it broke my heart. esp in this case, when my friend said "spoilt this thing on him(me)", then the other friend said "no, no way, i will do it to mike". this is just uncomfortable for me, its like im just an "addition", not much. yeah i know i understand im not a type of friend that they really need, i cant do something that really make them a friend of mine, i cant do something that they really want me to do, i dont have appeal so i can be close to them and i cant get into them very well, but its really hard for me actually... :(

then, last week, i had a drama task,my group made "emerikan idol" drama, its prettu funny, we did it pretty well. i sang dont cha and stuffs, so fun!!! i loved this moment where i got attention. gosh?! am i attention-seeker? no, not at all. but a lil bit, yes. wtf?! Lol. wtv. then, actually the [pressure is alot to me nowadays plus the pressure to be a "normal 17 years old guy". yeah a guy, not a boy anymore. :(

please god let me find a way and be my guide to everything!!! i just believe in you... :)
well, then i guess thats it for now... i gotta go, got to do lots of stuffs now... well, c ya... bye... take care!!
friends 4eva


-toxnick-